i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
