Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
