I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
