Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
