Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
