I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
