I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
