I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize