shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
