If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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