I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize