I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
40s are totally the cure
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
