K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
