Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
