Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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