Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize