did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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