It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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