Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize