Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
