He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
