U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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