Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
