So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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