i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
