I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
