Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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