I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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