FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
