I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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