I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
