Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
