That's intense
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
