so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
