Sponge bath it is.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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