I am in a vortex of obligation.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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