I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just fell off a train. Bad.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize