I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
