we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
