Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
