it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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