I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is not my ceiling
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
