this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize