Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
