Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
