I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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