do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
