hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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