Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
