I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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