i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
