Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
