This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
