Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
