I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
