Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
