I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
