did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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