Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
