My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
