Can i not drive my cunt home
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
