I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize