Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He shit in the fireplace
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
