His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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