You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
