went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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