I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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