As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Mom said you looked used
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
