how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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