the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
