so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
