Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
