who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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