so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
