walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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