Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
