That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
